


a bit of nonsense for sezso

by mrs_leary (julie)



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M, Meet the Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-10
Updated: 2009-04-10
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/mrs_leary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mrs Morgan has been reading RPS on the internets, and thinks Colin should get with the program.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a bit of nonsense for sezso

**Author's Note:**

> A short piece, and related comment fic, by me and **sezso**.

♦

‘That Bradley James seems to be a very nice young man,’ Mrs Morgan observed as she handed a mug of coffee to Colin.

‘Yeah, Mum, he’s great.’ He took a tentative mouthful; she always knew how to make coffee at just the right drinkable temperature.

‘Have you asked him out on a date yet?’

The mouthful of coffee spluttered across the table. ‘What?!’

Mrs Morgan calmly dabbed up the mess with a tea towel. ‘He’s a very good–looking young man, too. And probably charming. Is he charming?’

‘If you like that sort of thing.’

‘Oh, if I were a few years younger…’

‘ _Mum!_ You can’t tell me to ask him out one minute, and want to jump him yourself the next.’

Mrs Morgan confided, ‘It doesn’t all switch off once you turn forty, you know.’

‘Too much information, Mum!’

‘You and Bradley will find that out for yourselves one day… “Happy ever after” _can_ mean **_happy_** _ever after_ , you know!’

‘God, will you stop it! I think I’m a little old for the birds and the bees conversation.’

‘Think you’ve got it all figured out, do you?’

‘Pretty much, yeah.’

‘Why haven’t you asked him out, then?’

Colin stared at her, wondering if he had fallen into some bizarre parallel universe. ‘Um, because he’s _straight_?’

‘Oh,’ she complacently replied, ‘he just doesn’t know yet that he’s already found Mr Right. He just needs a little nudge in the right direction. A bit of encouragement.’ She sat down round the corner of the table from him.

Colin was getting a bit suspicious. ‘Mum…’

‘It’s all very romantic expecting him to wait for you for five years, but really I think you should just go for it now. The sooner the better, really.’

‘You’ve been on the internet again, haven’t you?’

‘Well, I like to keep an eye on what you’re up to.’

More coffee spluttered across the table. It was that or choke to death. When Colin could speak again, he advised, ‘ _Really_ , Mum, I’m not up to even a _tenth_ of what you might think, if that’s your source of information.’

She just patted him on the hand. ‘Maybe you should be, dear. Do you have his phone number? You could take him out for dinner when you’re back in London next week.’

‘Mum, for god’s sake, he’s _straight_. _Tony_ would have a better chance than me.’

‘Is that your poor self–esteem talking? I never realised what awful self–esteem issues you have, my dear, until I read some of these stories. Still, Bradley will soon help you feel better about yourself.’

Colin started praying for the earth to swallow him up.

Then began praying even harder as his brother wandered into the kitchen, and Mrs Morgan asked, ‘What was that, Neil, about Colin’s ebony hair and creamy skin?’

‘Oh yeah. And the raspberry lips. Obviously this Bradley guy has totally lost the plot over you.’

‘It was a _story_ ,’ Colin insisted through gritted teeth. ‘It’s not _true_.’

‘He is pretty gorgeous, though,’ Neil observed. ‘Golden hair, and all. I’m straight, and _I’d_ do him.’

‘Great. Just great. Well, I know to never bring him home, anyway, cos you’re all wanting to jump the poor guy. What about Dad? Is _he_ into him? Has Bradley managed to conquer the entire Morgan family?’

‘Course he has. Idiot.’ Neil gave him a brotherly shove, and the last of Colin’s coffee splattered out of the mug. ‘The _entire_ family, eh…? You wanna do him. Admit it.’

‘Well…’ Then Colin shook himself. ‘But he’s _straight!’_

‘Not for much longer,’ Neil said wisely. ‘Not if you’re as good in the sack as these stories say you are. Even _half_ as good!’

‘ _God_ , yes, thank you so much for adding performance anxiety to the mix.’

‘Is that your poor self–esteem talking…?’

‘Oh, will you shut it!’

Colin’s Mum got up from the table, and a moment later brought him his mobile. ‘Call him. Go on.’ She pointed down the hallway towards his bedroom. ‘Go on! I’m sure you want your privacy.’

‘I certainly want a lot more of it than I get!’

‘Go on with you.’ And Mrs Morgan and Neil were both physically pushing him off into yet another bizarre parallel universe, one in which Bradley James might actually wanna bat for Colin’s team.

‘Oh god…’ Colin muttered, shakily finding the right number in his address list. Hitting the call button. Firmly closing his bedroom door behind him, and for good measure wedging the chair under the door handle. ‘Bradley…?’ he whispered when the call was answered.

‘Colin Morgan. Well, you took your own sweet time. When are you getting back to London…?’ 

♦

'These really are GREAT potatoes, Mrs M!'

'Thank you, my dear. It's a real pleasure to cook for such a beautiful, appreciative young man... And one who makes my son so very happy...'

'Mum...' Colin protested in a strangled voice. Not that it had done any good so far.

'So, Bradley, as I was wondering...'

'Well,' Bradley manfully replied, 'it's true that I did struggle with my sexuality for a while there, but I have to say the problem was compounded by Colin's natural modesty. He seemed to think he wasn't good enough for me. Certainly not good enough for me to give up girls for!'

'Och, it's those self-esteem issues again, isn't it? I trust you'll help us do something about that, Bradley. You're such a fine young man.'

'Thank you, Mrs M,' Bradley responded, just wallowing in all this. 'I certainly try. You know, I tell him he's beautiful whenever I can. Especially during those moments when...' There was a bit of nudging and winking. '...when he's most RECEPTIVE to the message. If you know what I mean.'

They all knew exactly what he meant. 'Oh yes, dear. What a sweet young man you are.' Colin tried very hard to die through sheer will-power alone.

'But YOU'RE so beautiful,' blurted Neil, who had been gazing besottedly at Bradley this whole time. 'You've got to take into account what he's comparing himself to.'

'Oh, Neil,' Bradley protested, 'I'm just kinda pretty. It's your brother who's the truly beautiful one. And it's not just skin deep, either! He's beautiful through and through!'

Three devoted sighs rose from the table, and one agonised groan. Bradley looked around at his little fan club, obviously feeling very pleased with himself... Colin scowled at him, but that didn't even dent his good mood.

♦

Colin collapsed onto the guest bed, exhausted. So exhausted, in fact, he thought maybe he could die now. Wouldn't that be nice? Dead of mortifcation at 23! Nice fate if you could have it.

Unfortunately Bradley chose that moment to pounce on him and start kissing him with intent.

'Please,' moaned Colin. 'Get off me! Oh, I really couldn't bear it.'

'Oh come on, Colin. Who'd have thought they'd all be so supportive? This is great!'

'No, PLEASE. They'll all be out there thinking of us doing it. WHILE we're doing it.'

Bradley just chuckled filthily, like this was actually a good thing.

'Anyway, I'm at least half dead of embarassment. I don't think I'm even capable...'

'Oh, but I'm such a lovely guy - everyone thinks so. I'm sure I could get things going for you soon enough.'

Colin almost wept. 'I think I'm probably the only person in this entire household who couldn't get it up for you right now...'

♦

That turned out to be a total lie because Bradley turned out to be a TOTAL bastard. (And _possibly_ a smidge wonderful. But only _possibly_.)

A little later when Colin snuck out for something to eat, Mrs. Morgan was sitting at the computer. Colin stopped dead then attempted to sneak past her.

Unfortunately, he was an actor, not a ninja, and she spied him and looked delighted, which, given how the rest of the evening had gone, horrified him.

"Darling! Did you have a nice evening? I'm _so_ glad that you finally brought Bradley over, he really is just as nice as I expected." She smiled and continued typing and he dared to hope to get through this without anymore scarring. "What kind of lube do you use? Me and the girls are debating it on the forum."

Bradley was _so_ paying for the therapy.

♦

Colin's dad had a thing for vintage Triumph motorcycles. The trouble being, of course, that he now seemed to have also developed a thing for Colin's boyfriend...

Colin finally tracked them down in the garage, where Mr Morgan and Bradley were inspecting the collection of motorcycles in various states of repair. 'I think you'll find,' Mr Morgan was saying to Bradley, 'that you can only really appreciate the fine workmanship by getting right in close...'

Bradley, whether clueless or not, obligingly bent right over to peer into the inner workings of the engine. While Mr Morgan leant back and... and... was TOTALLY checking out Bradley's butt.

'Dad!' Colin protested through gritted teeth.

Mr Morgan tore his eyes away long enough to give Colin a two-thumbs-up. Apparently he approved.

Well, it was a nice rear, Colin had to admit, but HONESTLY... what had gotten into his family?!

'Would you like to take one for a spin, Bradley?' Mr Morgan offered.

Bradley stood up with a delighted smile on his face. 'Oh, I'd love to! If you'd trust me...? I know how much these machines must mean to you!'

'Oh, but I think Colin's young man must mean a sight more,' Mr Morgan replied.

Bradley grinned at him, and - finally seeing him - grinned at Colin. He really was loving this, the bastard.

'And I could come, too,' Colin's dad added hopefully. 'I could ride pillion!'

'Awesome!'

'Bradley,' Colin said, trying to head all this off at the pass.

But, no, within moments Bradley and Mr Morgan had helmets on, and couldn't hear his protests and pleas. Then Bradley was roaring off down the road on the best of the bikes, with Mr Morgan clinging on behind, all of him pressed up against Bradley really WAY too close, and his arms wrapped round Bradley's waist...

Colin jammed his fingers back into his hair, and groaned as the pair disappeared down the road. He was starting to wonder if he'd ever have Bradley to himself ever again.

♦


End file.
